we should wear snuggies to the strip club
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
