Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
