good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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