we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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