I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
