Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
