So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
