she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
