We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
