dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I need to calm my uterus...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
