When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
