She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
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My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
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Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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