so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
