She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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