He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
