I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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