this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
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