i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
