doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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