I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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