I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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