There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
