just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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