My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
