Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
