i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
