His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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