The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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