jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
