i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Randomize
