after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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