he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
