i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Found your dick twin last night
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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