it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
