It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
