if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
