yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Drunk is a universal language darling
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