omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
