I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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