Kiss
Puke
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
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