I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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