Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
