I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
