good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
