We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
