I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
