Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
