Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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