That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
