How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
