Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
