the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Randomize
