I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
