I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Randomize
