If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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