Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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