you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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