good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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