Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
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I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
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Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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