my vag is so smooth its legendary
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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