Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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