i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
