Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
