do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
