I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
