Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i think my mom watched the whole time
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
