his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
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