does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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