My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
