Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
