No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Drake has all the answers
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
