we have pet lesbian snakes
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
