tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
