Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
